David's Discourse blog

1. Focus on Interests, Not Positions

• Instead of arguing over fixed outcomes (“I need a 20% discount”), explore why each party wants what they want (“I need to manage costs on this project”).
• Ask questions like: “What’s most important to you in this deal?”
  “What are you hoping to achieve long-term?”

This uncovers underlying goals that you can work with creatively.

🧠 2. Frame Solutions as Wins for Them

People who need to “win” will respond best if they feel like they’re getting something others wouldn’t.
Try:

• “This could position you as a leader in our partnership.”
• “I think you’d appreciate how this gives you a strategic edge.”

Even if you’re offering a compromise, frame it as a smart, assertive move on their part.

🤝 3. Use “If/Then” Proposals

This strategy appeals to their need to gain while encouraging flexibility:

“If you can extend the deadline by two weeks, then I can include the added feature set at no extra cost.”

It gives them something while setting the stage for cooperation, not competition.

🧮 4. Bring Objective Criteria or Data

People who like to win often don’t want to seem unfair or unreasonable when facts are involved.

Use:

• Industry benchmarks
• Market rates
• Historical pricing
• Third-party data

This keeps the discussion on what’s fair, not who’s tougher.

🧩 5. Expand the Pie

Instead of fighting over the existing terms, add more value to the deal.

Examples:

• Add services, support, or timelines that cost little to you but are valuable to them.
• Create options: “Here are two approaches — one that gives you more speed, one that saves you more long-term. Which fits your priorities better?”

This shifts the mindset from dividing value to creating value.

🧘 6. Keep Your Cool & Use Silence Strategically

Assertive negotiators often use pressure tactics or dominate the conversation. Use silence and calm confidence to keep the power balanced:

• Don’t fill every gap — let them talk themselves into clarity.
• Pause when terms are thrown out to show you’re weighing them, not reacting emotionally.

✨ 7. Build Relationship Equity

If you’ll be negotiating with this person repeatedly, invest in the relationship:

• Acknowledge their expertise or track record.
• Use phrases like: “I value how you think strategically — that’s why I think this could work well for both of us.”

Ego-sensitive negotiators soften when they feel respected.

Summary of Key Phrases:

• “Let’s find a way for this to be a win for both of us.”
• “What would make this a success from your perspective?”
• “What if we looked at this from a different angle?”
• “I want to make sure we both walk away feeling good about the outcome.”